The one about fishing and photography

Lately many of my friends have been dealing with divorce – their parents divorcing or their own divorces.

I was talking about this with a firend of mine, who said that she thought one of the major reasons is a lack of shared interest between them.

It, of course, made me think about my own marriage.

Ryan likes fishing, kyaking, buiding things, computers and gadgets, cooking, gardening, and sports.

I like reading, writing, decorating, shopping, sunbathing, music, politics, and photography.

We actually have very few similar interests outside of movies and travel and camping and beach-going. And to be honest, we like it this way – we like having things that are our “own”, and we encourage each other to invest time into our personal hobbies and interests, even though we don’t necessarily enjoy most of them together.

But even though we don’t have all that many shared interests, what we do have is shared values.

We’ve never once had an argument that comes down to a value issue and I believe that is one of the reasons our marriage is so strong and so healthy.

Sure, we are flawed. We sometimes get negligent and say things we don’t mean. We sometimes offend. We sometimes act selfishly.

But ultimately we’re on the same page about the issues that really matters.

Maybe someday I’ll take up fishing or Ryan will take up photography, but for now I just enjoy the fact that he can make me dinner and build me a bookshelf… And he enjoys the fact that I can make our home look beautiful and write nice letters to our grandmothers.

It’s working for us. It’s working for us well.

STOP.

 

Q for you: Do you think couples needs more shared interests than individual interests or visa-versa? Why?

Love,
A

p.s. I totally blew this one with the time limit, but here’s the good news: tomorrow is a new day and I will try again.

 

 

Click Clink Five is a blog by Adriel Booker. | Five minutes a day, unedited. | 2012 All rights reserved. | Adriel also writes on parenting and motherhood at The Mommyhood Memos.

Advertisements

About Adriel Booker

Writer, speaker, advocate, and non-prof worker. Happily married city-lover, mama, and emoji enthusiast in Sydney, Australia. Author of Grace Like Scarlett (Baker Books, 2018). View all posts by Adriel Booker

9 responses to “The one about fishing and photography

  • Nessa

    My husband and I have very few shared interests…
    him: golf, running, football, technology, new modern things, economics, The Economist
    me: yoga, cooking, gardening, photography, fiction books, old vintage anything

    I think you are right, the values are more important… and respecting each others interests and occasionally sharing them. He will go to a thrift store or antique barn with me and I will go to a football game with him.

    PS – I love these free writes of yours.

  • amanda

    i’m glad you went over the time limit, because you make an excellent point! i think a beautiful thing about marriage is two different people coming together and exposing one another to new interests that are outside what we typically like to do because we love each other. i think it’s healthy to have your own hobbies and interests but it’s also healthy to take a new look at something that may be outside your own hobbies or interests…probably to find that you enjoy it because you love the person you are sharing it with! my husband and i love recreational activities together– with kids, it’s a little harder to get a run in together, but we find new things that we can do together. so, instead of growing apart, we each grow as individuals and together as a couple!

  • Lamielle

    Hi Adriel,

    Just imagine east meets west. I am Asian and my husband is European. And we absolutely do not have any common interest. (laughing) just being honest! BUT, even if we do not share the same interest. We support each other. (e.g watching movies, today is his thing and next week is my turn) that’s how we handle it and we enjoyed it this way. I think, marriage is about compromising, communicating, supporting and of course loving each other. And It does’t really matter even if you do not have the same interest. What matters most is that you support and understand each other. Also, when you are in a relationship, we don’t get to know each other overtime. We learn from each other everyday.. 🙂

    Happily married,
    Switzerland

    • Adriel Booker

      I think that’s wonderful! Of course, some common interests are necessary, but I do think there’s something to be said for having your own as well! Glad you have such a great marriage. 🙂

  • Amy

    Love this post! Hubby and I have very few shared interests. He is always trying to get me involved in HIS interests, and I am always reminding him that we need some alone time to do our own thing.

  • Courtney Kirkland

    I think the whole shared interests thing is overrated. My husband and I don’t really have a lot in common either. He loves sports and aside from college football games during the fall, I could care less. He’s a medical guru and all I care to know about medicine is how to fix whatever’s wrong. I’m in photography, design, pretty blogs and vintage stuff. But we share an interest in each other and what the other is accomplishing. And we share an interest in our son and our family. I like having stuff that’s “mine” and only mine. Sounds like you guys have a great handle on marriage. I think that’s what really matters.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: