Lately many of my friends have been dealing with divorce – their parents divorcing or their own divorces.
I was talking about this with a firend of mine, who said that she thought one of the major reasons is a lack of shared interest between them.
It, of course, made me think about my own marriage.
Ryan likes fishing, kyaking, buiding things, computers and gadgets, cooking, gardening, and sports.
I like reading, writing, decorating, shopping, sunbathing, music, politics, and photography.
We actually have very few similar interests outside of movies and travel and camping and beach-going. And to be honest, we like it this way – we like having things that are our “own”, and we encourage each other to invest time into our personal hobbies and interests, even though we don’t necessarily enjoy most of them together.
But even though we don’t have all that many shared interests, what we do have is shared values.
We’ve never once had an argument that comes down to a value issue and I believe that is one of the reasons our marriage is so strong and so healthy.
Sure, we are flawed. We sometimes get negligent and say things we don’t mean. We sometimes offend. We sometimes act selfishly.
But ultimately we’re on the same page about the issues that really matters.
Maybe someday I’ll take up fishing or Ryan will take up photography, but for now I just enjoy the fact that he can make me dinner and build me a bookshelf… And he enjoys the fact that I can make our home look beautiful and write nice letters to our grandmothers.
It’s working for us. It’s working for us well.
Q for you: Do you think couples needs more shared interests than individual interests or visa-versa? Why?
p.s. I totally blew this one with the time limit, but here’s the good news: tomorrow is a new day and I will try again.