Tag Archives: belonging

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I’m having one of those “alien” days.

The kind where you feel like a foreigner in your own land.

I’ve written about this before – about the feeling that you belong, but not quite. The longing for something more.

It’s the hope of heaven. The promise of a real home.

And it’s not that I’m discontent where I’m at.

The opposite really – I love my home, my family, the life we’ve built.

But I know there’s more.

Perhaps it has something to do with returning from a place (Sydney) where I always feel a glimpse of destiny. A something “other” that I don’t even know how to pinpoint.

Perhaps it has something to do with remembering what it’s like to connect with friends from a special (favorite) season of my life.

But whatever it is, the feeling is there. Real, raw, a little bit nagging.

The calm after the storm and the anticipation of the next one all rolled into one.

And I remember that I’m an alien here.

I really don’t belong.

My passport says USA. My address says Australia. But my heart says heaven.

My home is not here.

STOP.

 

Q for you: Do you ever feel like you belong, and yet don’t belong?

 

Love,
A

 

Click Clink Five | Five minutes a day, unedited

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Homesick, and the ache of More

It happens to me every. single. time.

A visit to my childhood home approaches and I grow homesick.

Home. Sick.

The closer the trip becomes, the more my heart aches.

It’s been twelve years since I lived in America.

You’d think that the longer I am away, the easier it would become.

But hardships and revelations and babies and friendships make that impossible.

Instead, the ache grows.

I know what it’s like to be a foreigner. To live as an alien in a land not my own.

I know what it means to put roots down and be home, and yet not really home.

As much as the ache aches, it’s also my gift.

Reminding me that I’m not Home. Reminding me that there is More.

My home is in Him.

Homesick for heaven… Homesick for a place I don’t know, and yet know so well.

Sometimes I think it’s the lack of belonging, that hard-to-pinpoint knowing of yes, here I fit.

But I will never really fit.

I realize it’s more than a circumstance, a feeling, an address, a season.

It’s heaven. It’s Him.

I’m homesick for Him.

My home is in Him.

STOP.

 

Q for you: Are you homesick? A foreigner living in a “strange” land? Is this you, too? What do you do with the ache?

 

Love,
A

 

Click Clink Five | Five minutes a day, unedited


On being introverted and social and doing what I “should”

I’ve been playgroup hopping lately, trying to find one that’s a good fit for the boys and I.

Seems like it would be easy to find one. Kids, moms, snacks. What’s so complicated about that?

But the ones I’ve gone to have either been too structured or too far away or the wrong time of day or too crowded or too small.

Seems there’s always something.

It’s been interesting to watch Levi exploring these new environments too.

As much as I’ve been making an effort to connect with these other moms I don’t yet know, Levi is also surrounded by kids he doesn’t yet know.

And our little outgoing, loud, jumping, dancing dude that is used to being around 100 adults all at once has suddenly gone all quiet anf fringe.

He mostly just hangs out on the periphery. Not shy really, but not engaging much either. He loves being out playing with new toys or in new environments, but seems to mostly stick to himself, perfectly content to entertain himself.

He really is as independent as we keep thinking he is.

And so am I.

As I drove home from our latest playgroup attempt this morning I wondered if I’d ever really find one that “fit” immediately, or if it was just that I’m fairly independent and like doing my own thing on my own terms.

Not shy at all, but definitely comfortable spending my time as an introvert and doing as i please.

An introvert (who gets refreshed by being alone) but also loves to be social and have some fun.

And who also wants my boys to have fun running around with other kids instead of being cooped up with me all day.

How will this whole mom’s group thing pan Out? I guess time will tell.

In the meantime, I’ll keep playgroup hopping as I’m able. I think it’s good for all of us to get out and explore this little town that I so often dismiss as being too hot or too small or too whatever.

Because the reality is, it’s home. It’s ours. And it’s time to dig a little deeper… I think.

STOP.

 

Q for you: Are you an introvert or an extrovert? How does that factor into your social gatherings?

 

Love,
A

 

Click Clink Five | Five minutes a day, unedited.
Adriel also writes on motherhood and parenting at The Mommyhood Memos