Tag Archives: tiredness

Groaning in the cold, dark

I lay in bed and the world around me is silent except for the sounds of life, resting.

A few feet away I hear tiny baby breaths and sighs. Next to me I hear heavy and rythmic husband breaths and sighs. And through the open internal door to the next room I hear toddler breaths and sighs.

We share rooms and a heater between the four of us.

Everyone sleeps but me.

Moments later baby stirs. I lay still, barely breathing, hoping he will not wake.

He rolls over. Back asleep.

I sigh with relief just as he stirs again, this time waking with an abrupt cry.

It sounds angry.

After eight months I wonder when he will ever sleep through the night. Except for a few nights he regularly wakes up all throughout the night. Sometimes every two hours, leaving me with four or five or sometimes six hours of sleep, usually broken into several chunks.

I groan and move, not wanting to face the cold night air.

No one said parenting would be easy.

I pull him into bed with me and nurse, nurse, nurse. Wondering how long I can continue on interrupted sleep (and insomnia in between).

I remember that mothers all over the world and all throughout time have done as I’m doing.

Strength.

The days are long but the years are short so I don’t want to waste this time being anxious about the dark hours.

And yet I’m so tired. So, so tired.

I remind myself that this time last year I was about to find out that his life might not be what we thought or expected. And now him being here with us, just like he is – healthy, perfect – is a miracle. Surely I can find the grace for one more night.

And perhaps tomorrow night too.

But my goodness, I’m so tired.

STOP.

 

Q for you: How do you cope with less-than-ideal seasons of sleep?

 

Love,
A

 

Click Clink Five | Five minutes a day, unedited

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Running on fumes

Today was one of those days…

You know the kind? The kind where you are so glad it’s over (and so glad days aren’t able to be repeated) and yet you also kinda want to repeat it so that you can get a do-over?

I feel like today was a lot of time squandered, not lived well, because I was too overwhelmed with my own tiredness.

I don’t want to turn this into a whine fest so I’ll just say the littles have been high needs lately, both for different reasons. (Highly legitimate reasons.)

But because of that I’ve been so tired that my awake time is spent wishing I was asleep and my asleep time is spent not really sleeping well becuase I’m stressing about how tired I am and how to meet everyone’s needs while being tired.

Aparently the word of the day is tired. How many tiems have I used that in one post now?

I won’t drag this on becuase my phone just died and so my five minute timer died too.

Ironic.

I’ve got to pack it in before I crash sitting up. I’m running on fumes and even teh fumes are about to expire.

In the great big scope of life it’s no big deal. These days happen.

Babies grow. Things change. Life rolls on.

Tired or not, it’s my choice to make the most of it.

All we can control in life is our own choices and responses.

Here’s hoping tomorrow is a little better. Er, less tiring. Or something.

Waaaaah.

Silly post.

STOP.

 

Q for you: When’s the last time you slept through the night and slept in until 10am? No, wait, don’t tell me.

 

Love,
A

 

Click Clink Five is a blog by Adriel Booker. | Five minutes a day, unedited. | 2012 All rights reserved. | Adriel also writes on parenting and motherhood at The Mommyhood Memos.