I blog because I’m a writer. I don’t write because I’m a blogger. Big difference.

I started blogging two years ago.

At the time I had no interest in being a “blogger”. In fact, I didn’t even know what a blog was. (True story.)

I was so ignorant about blogging that I didn’t even realize our family “website” that I created to keep loved ones and supporters updated on our life and work was actually a blog. Apparently I had already been blogging for years. But I don’t really count that. (To me it was simply newsletters in website form.)

Comments? Why?

RSS? Huh?

Analytics? Say wha?

I had no idea.

Now two years later I have much more idea.

I’ve learned a lot. I’ve been a blogger and I’ve backed off as a blogger. I’ve grown a community. I’ve networked. I’ve answered hundreds and hundreds of emails that I seriously don’t have time for. And I’ve met some amazing people.

But here’s the thing. Sometimes I love blogging. (I certainly love all the things I’ve learned from reading blogs and I’ve loved some of the genuine friendships that have sprung out of it.)

But sometimes I loathe blogging. I rarely ever check page views any more, and I can’t seem to ever keep up with the goals I set for myself. (Not a bad thing – they are sometimes unrealistic.)

I didn’t start blogging to be a blogger. I started because I wanted to write.

I continue because I want to write.

That’s the bottom line.

No matter how many people read or follow or comment or tweet or like or pin….

I blog because I’m a writer. And for now, the platform I’m creating is helping me to practice, express, connect, and so many other things.

So blog or not (actually 7 to be honest), I blog becuase I’m a writer.

That being said, yes, I’m a blogger. But I’m a writer first.

STOP.

 

Q for you: Do you blog? Are you a blogger? A writer? What does that mean to you??

 

Love,
A

p.s. I didn’t write yesterday because I went to bed (still fully clothed) at 6:30pm. Today was that kind of day too, but I got up again around 8:30pm when the sleep wasn’t working out so well. Is there anything worse than being utterly exhausted (and grumpy) and having insomnia all at once? Yes, of course there is. But when you’re in the midst of it, it sure doesn’t feel like it can get much worse… Bah.

 

Click Clink Five | Five minutes a day, unedited. 

The loop (And staying in it)

My favorite newsy show moved from 7pm to 6pm and I haven’t seen it in weeks. Maybe months.

By the time we get the kids both into bed it’s 7:00 or 7:30pm and by the time I do my rounds picking up the house, changing over the laundry, or whatever else needs to be done, I’m often not sitting down until at least 8:00.

The last thing I want to do at 8:00 at night is to “read the paper” so to speak. I want to browse pinterest, check out facebook or instagram, and maybe watch some “compelling” television. (My favorite right now is the Voice – Australia’s edition just started.)

Sometimes I write at night, or edit photos.

And if I’m up for it, I might get some “work” done like answering emails or making lists for whatever it is I’m working on at the time.

But this “disappearing” program (and my lack of ambition to find my news online) means that I’m woefully behind on current events.

This is all very strange for me.

Normally I love keeping up-to-date. I love following the politics (hello, it’s an election year!!). I love being abreast of the latest breaking story.

But I don’t like to use my online time to read the news. I’d much prefer social networks or reading blogs or just researching stuff that I’m learning about. (Like googling “what to do with your lucky bamboo when it grows too tall”. True story. Mine’s grown way too tall and I have no idea what to do with it.)

So since I’m not reading much news online and I’m missing out on my favorite news show, I’m totally out of the loop.

And being out of hte loop makes me feel ignorant. And lazy.

I guess I’d better get in the loop again.

STOP.

 

Q for you: How do you stay current on world events? Is it important to you?

 

Love,
A

 

Click Clink Five | Five minutes a day, unedited. 

Awake

It’s 4:29am.

Last night I slept between the hours of midnight to 3am. Before that, unable to sleep, and then woken by Judah at 3:00.

After feeding him I laid in bed until 4:28, tossing and turning, eyes heavy, mind racing.

Sleep illusive.

So many thoughts run though my head in those hours of the night.

I listen to Ryan breathing heavily on one side of me, Judah breathing lightly on the other, wishing I oculd be asleep like them.

I think of Levi in the next room, and wonder things like “If I had held him more as a baby, would he be more affectionate now?” Only to follow it up with thoughts like, “I loved him fiercely and held him often. Of course he’d be the same. It’s not my actions that have made him so independent, it’s his personality.” (I know that, but in the small hours it’s easy to lose your anchor a little.)

Besides, he is affectionate. He clearly loves me fiercely too.

I yhink of other deep things like “why don’t they sell honey Nut Cherrios in Australia? And cheezeits?”

I think of things I’ve read. I think of people who are affecting my life through what they’ve written or said or have (or haven’t) done.

I think of people who are waiting to hear from me. What will I say? How will I pray?

What does my life speak?

Earlier tonight as I was trying to alow myself to fall asleep I had this thought – what if God’s answer for my plea for “alone time” are these hours of wakefulness during the night when I wishwishwish I was sleeping? Ugh.

And what if it’s not? What if it’s just that I’ve got to learn to let go a litlt more, quiet my mind a little more?

What if I just need to start doing yoga again? (Seriously.)

I thought about all the noise. (I have so much noise.) I read too much, think too much, listen too much, do too much, commit to too much, try to please too much.

And then I think tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow I will simplify.

Because what if that’s what He’s trying to whisper in the dark?

Slow down. Create margin. Be present. Stop multi-tasking. Inhale, exhale.

Have some fun.

Last night before bed (the first time) I put my phone in airplane mode. I won’t switch it back to normal for 24 hours – a Sabbath from the internet. I’ve done the same with my laptop. (Hense, though I’m writing this now, I’m offline so I’ll post it much, much later tonight.)

I’m tired of being notified all. the. time. I’m tired of being constantly available so much so that maybe I’m not available enough to the ones who matter most. Or myself. Or Him.

I only have one chance at this life and I’m certain how I live it is bigger than this life now that I can see.

So I’m up. In the night hours. Listening, waiting, praying. Knowing that there’s something more.

(And still longing and praying for sleep.)

Hello? I’m listening.

STOP.

 

Q for you: Are you awake? Awake when you’re meant to be? Awake when your not meant to be?

 

Love,
A

p.s. I wrote without a timer tonight. I’m guessing it was closer to six minutes, or maybe even seven. Probably seven or eight. I don’t know; I’m tired. #fiveminutefail

 

Click Clink Five | Five minutes a day, unedited.

Pinterest please. Oh yes please.

For months (MONTHS) I had friends telling me to get on Pinterest.

You’ll love it,

it’s right up your ally,

It’s so yooooooou. they all said.

I resisted knowing that I already have a mild (major?) facebook addiction.

Add to that my time emailing, blogging, writing, doing family newsletters, updating our family website, skyping, tweeting, my birth club forum, instagraming, and googling everything i want to know about everything… and that makes for a lot of time online.

Last thing i needed was another social network.

Two weeks ago I caved.

Signed up for Pinterest.

Hello, yes. I am completely hooked.

I’m already having to limit my time on it.

No more than once–maybe twice–a day. And mostly I do it on my while I’m breastfeeding so it’s not like I’m really “wasting” time.

Right? Right??

But that’s also when I check facebook, read blogs, scroll through instagram.

*sigh* When will I ever have time for all my social networking when I finish breastfeeding?

For now I won’t worry about it. No doubt by then there will be another social networking site and i’ll have to shuffle my online time once again.

So many time wasters to decide between. What’s a girl to do?

STOP.

 

Q for you: Are you on Pinterest? (Here’s me.) Do you love it as much as I do?

 

Love,
A

 

Click Clink Five is a blog by Adriel Booker. | Five minutes a day, unedited. | 2012 All rights reserved. | Adriel also writes on parenting and motherhood at The Mommyhood Memos.